Engrish of the week

This is a promise that I made to my cousin Shauna, who apparently loves the Engrish as much as I do. I'd like to post one of these types of pictures a week, assuming I can find enough material. So, without further ado, I present to you 'Jesus Body':
"Jesus Body!

New discovery to be kept secret from others.
This discovery is a secret.
I can lay it down because I am correct.
We will not make you sorry.
Pleasure to have the real thing.
I really longed for this."

Apparently I've been told this is an anti-cellulite product. Seen in a random store in Aomori City.